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If you realize from my writings, it is crystal clear that I have not gotten over the break up. It has been a month though. I will discuss openly about this subject- the causes, effects and ways to get through the break up and go on with life. Breaking up is a form of separation between two people who have devoted themselves in a relationship. It happens between lovers, friends with benefits and married couples.

Losing a loved one is the most devastating crisis of intimate living, more so when you do not foresee it to happen. I admit being a victim of change of heart on the part of our lovers involves none other than unrelenting pains. As a result of the break up, we cry over sad songs, ache with loneliness, feel that we are acting in a typical soap opera aired on television, and keep on thinking what triggers the change of heart-where have I done wrong?.

Despite the facts that I am empowered with words of wisdom by friends and family members and the notion of belief that time heals heartache, I am suffering from breaking up trauma. I find myself evolving to someone who despises relationship and is hard to trust others.

I have put up a wall, i.e., a mental block to my memory which psychiatrists termed as, psychological numbing. Undeniably, it collapsed at times, in particularly when I received the email and when I read valentine’s message sent by him. What worsen the trauma are the betrayals suffered by people surrounding me. Letting go process is not easy in cases where you loved your lover 100%. To be honest, I put high hopes to his return from Melbourne.

The reasons for the change of heart that was put to me are 1) family disapproval where his family does not prefer woman related in any way to Negeri Sembilan because of the ‘adat’ and the social stigma that all Negeri Sembilan women are queen controls, 2) by having another girlfriend is a way to make me detests him and request for a break up, and 3) I bring “bad lucks” to his life.

As much as I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt, the bold statement from his behaviours is HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO ME.

To live through this pain and move on to the next phase of life need a fair bit of gumption, courage and wit. As I am moving into 24 years demographic, the problems that gush into my life become more complicated and problematic.

C’est la vie. And life goes on. I will try my best not to write about the break up again and again. This is the last one, promise.

Hope you have a great weekend.