I warn you I have no choice but to write about something I have pledged not to write on.

I just arrived home from Kuantan. I cannot say it was a fun trip. One of the many reasons why the trip was not classified as a good one is that I am sick of my life. I was sad and am sad still. I cannot bear all the pretentious happy acts that I have committed by far. To cut it short, whatever I do, I am not happy. I am not eager to go to salsa anymore. I am contemplating to quit.

Everything that has happened for the past months changes me drastically. At first, I did not realize until it became more obvious when I was in Kuantan. I tend to isolate my own goodself and I appear reserved when issues and topics are discussed. I am no longer a career driven person. I don’t want to go out and meet people. I just want to be alone. I think a lot too. Apart from my failed relationship, I don’t know what else I think about. I used to be one believer to the power of positive thinking, but sadly, I only have negative thoughts in me.

How do I repair these damages?

I have tried many ways to sort my life out. Again and again, I am back to square one. I know time heals but I wonder how long it will take to heal. In LDR, the attachment is so strong because the relationship is built solely by love, belief and trust. If you chop the attachment off, it will not easily detach. I am trying my level best but it doesn’t work over night.

I am one sad little thing. Where is my sunshine and streaks of rainbow?