Let’s talk about an interesting topic today. A topic I declared in Facebook just last night not to be bothered with. I am called to give my opinion because of the topic being discussed over Sinar FM’s morning talk this morning. The radio drove in many calls from the local who shared how their marriage proposals were rejected and why. Mengapa pinangan ditolak? One of the reasons given by one of the callers was made the snippet of the morning talk being played in repetition throughout the day.
A woman called the radio station and her stories revolved around how her late father rejected the marriage proposal of the love of her life because he is from NEGERI SEMBILAN. She was told by her late father to avoid as far as she could from
Yes, the topic of the day is MARRYING A NATIVE NEGERI SEMBILAN.
I shall now clarify my status. Born in Penang makes me a Penangite but having a mother born in Negeri Sembilan, I somehow inherit the adat perpatih. To be honest, I am still confused as my maternal grandmother was a pure chinese woman who was given to a Malay family during birth. It is the adoptive parents that practise the custom. I shall not confuse you even more. In case, I am a native NS, I am a part of Suku Seri Melenggang.
When an irresponsible man left me for a chinese girl, one of the reasons given is the custom. Because my mom comes from Negeri Sembilan and I go back to Kuala Pilah every Raya celebrations. Poor him, little did he knew that custom is a matter of choice. We are actually living in a community who fears custom more than faith and religions. Lame reason, it was. My secretary from Nilai told me how her then prospective in-laws rejected her for the same reason. A colleague of mine supposed to get married last week was left hanging a month before the big day because she happens to be in the adat perpatih line.
The question is why?
1) NS Women inherit the ancestral property, men inherit the spirit.
2) NS Women are queen controls.
3) Outsiders (non-NS) need to join any of the suku except his/her wife’s.
4) NS Women are materialistic.
5) Typical answer by Malays: Kahwin dengan wanita NS, bila bercerai keluar sehelai sepinggang.
6) Wanita NS buat suami patuh pada arahan.
As we can observe, the practice of adat perpatih has barely survive the modern society. More and more people especially adat perpatih practitioners have considered it obsolete.
NS Women inherit the ancestral property, men inherit the spirit.
Ancestral property (harta pusaka) is the property inherited in matriarchal line. This property will be passed to the heiress. For example, kalau nenek moyang dia ada sebidang tanah, tanah ini akan jatuh ke atas waris-waris perempuan. Anak-anak lelaki sekonyong-konyongnya akan mewarisi saka. My family saka is a tiger that no one inherits.
Whenever I asked my mother about saka, she said she would answer if I could blow a leave into money. Pretty much obvious she thinks it is just a myth. Walaupun mengikut cerita dia, masa zaman TNB masih belum wujud, there was a tiger that guarded the kampong house. Harta-harta lain contohnya harta sepencarian, harta-harta boleh alih akan dibahagikan mengikut hukum faraid.
Keluar sehelai sepinggang bila cerai punya reason mmg dah obsolete. Back then the men had to leave the family and lived in the in-laws’ lands. One situation where my mother opted not to follow the custom is after my grandmother passed away. My grandfather’s siblings came to the ancestral house for “keluar rumah ceremony”. The custom is that after the owner of the house died, the relatives of the husband must come and take him out of the house for he no longer belongs there. This happened to our family when I was too little to understand. My mother and her siblings took the custom at their hands by pledging my grandfather to stay put.
Queen control. This ladies and gentlemen cannot be predicted. What a man and a woman do in the name of their marriage, is their own business. They vow to love each other and to tolerate differences. My father who has 11 siblings makes yearly sacrifices to celebrate hari raya in Kuala Pilah because my mother has 2 siblings and at the initial years, her sister lived in Washington for many years. It has become a ritual for us to celebrate hari raya in Kuala Pilah. Can this be considered as queen-controlling? Are you sure the women from any other part of Malaysia tend not to queen-control? As a head of the family, the task is at your hand. You decide if you want to be queen controlled. You definitely cannot blame a custom for making a person a queen control.
Materialism is a common issue. It happens everywhere not only in NS. I would appreciate if you could provide me a statistic that says NS women are most materialistic women in Malaysia.
If the society does not swerve their rightful thinking, in years to come, there will be an abundance of rich unmarried women in NS. Inter-racial marriages will be on the rise, if we still think this way. A human is still a human no matter where he or she comes from. Stop being judgmental and biased towards NS locals. Live your life at its best and leave the judgment to be made by God.
P/S: Be it a Penangite, Kedahan or Negeri Sembilander, I wish to be considered as a Kedahan when it comes to mas kahwin.